Once upon a time, I happened upon a quick read about how to evolve or remain! I wish I knew who to credit, because it was magic…but it basically went like this…
We are all faced with a choice to evolve or remain.
We can choose to remain unchanged but in doing so we will forever be presented with the same situations, same routines, same problems, same challenges, same frustrating results. Until (or unless) we learn to love ourselves to the point of saying, “ENOUGH!” and so we begin to change. This creates an opportunity for us to evolve. As we evolve, we connect to the strength within us, which in turn gives us the ability to live outside our comfort zone. We awaken the love within ourselves and as we love ourselves better, we can love others better too. So when we choose to evolve, we choose love.
Now, as I look back on my own life…I would be lying if I said I hadn’t been that way myself from time to time. Stuck in some broken patterns, fighting some inner demons.
It’s rare that we don’t…
I have learned though…what is rare, is to be vulnerable, and to be completely transparent about the very act of being vulnerable.
So many speak of it in generalizations, in application to others or an overarching theme of how it is courageous but the very true act of putting oneself on display or being very open about owning their OWN fragility is often interpreted as attention seeking, weak, or to be pitied…and the list is endless!
Yet, on the flip side, if one openly loves themself, that too is attention seeking or weak, not humble enough…and again, the list is endless!
When in actuality, BOTH qualities should be admired, seen as brave and courageous, breaking stereotypes, bold and unashamed AND openly laying their heart and soul on the line for the world to see in effort to show others, “yes we all feel these feels!”
Because when we don’t, we make it too easy for society as a whole to remain unchanged and for individuals to not be faced with that inner conflict that often creates evolution.
When we don’t admit our own frailties, how can we ever expect anyone else to be courageous enough to do so themselves! How can we expect us to trust one another with our own hearts if we don’t even trust ourselves?
Which brings me to this…
I have not always been the kindest to myself and I have not always ensured others valued me as I should be valued. I also have to admit, my pride and ego have sometimes gotten in my own way. I haven’t always allowed myself to be vulnerable, or shown my truest emotions for fear of being hurt.
I fought my own self…in an effort to avoid what I thought would result in rejection.
Who likes that bitter sting?
Yet, instead of fighting yourself; fight that very urge, allow yourself to stay open to the process and instead give love a fighting chance!
Easier said then done.
People talk about it all the time, as if they practice it, as if they are always open during relationships. Turns out, they are open, when it is new, exciting, fun, or as long as it is a generalization, or it’s convenient, or fits a mold, or they are sure of an outcome.
Turns out, many “know better,” only it’s the “doing better” that gets rough!
The application and execution of being open and vulnerable when stuff gets tough between two people is where it usually goes wonky.
Maybe they refuse to communicate, or dominate conversations by establishing what can and can’t be talked about. Maybe they purposefully misinterpret, deliberately misunderstand or suddenly shift boundaries in an effort to slowly shut down effective communication. They may be more concerned with being right than compromising, collaborating or listening to one another’s view point. They may refuse to negotiate a conflict in good faith, discuss honestly a motivation, or prevent ways to resolve issues, obstruct closure on particular topics, or switching topics that start arguments about completely different issues.
If you have allowed yourself to be subjected to this or find that you have done this, become aware…become very aware and attempt to evolve, rather than remain.
Evolve and instead of fighting your lover, significant other or partner; give love a fighting chance!
Luckily I did learn along the way some pretty important life lesson’s that I hope to pass on to my children and anyone else who needs to hear it!
Each one of these is a choice. It won’t always be perfect but, it might be perfect for you, and it may be the start toward giving love a fighting chance.
So here goes…
- In the most humble and gracious way possible, remember you are NOT replaceable and on the opposite spectrum, those in your life are not replaceable either. So if they treat you well, you treat them well…
- Take every chance you get in life, making the most of everything that comes your way, because somethings happen once, and that can include a shot at real love!
- Often the people who criticize your life are the same people who don’t know what you went through to get where you are. They are usually the ones who are hurting most, so their criticism is more a reflection of where they are in life, than about you. By the same token, remember this when you are about to criticize someone else. It is a reflection on you. What energy do you want reflected and received?
- The strongest action for any human, is to love themself, be themself and shine bright regardless of who does or doesn’t believe in your worth! You are worthy. Because being completely comfortable in your own skin, while mastering the ability to accept if “it” does or doesn’t happen is a very powerful place to be. It means you can let go and walk away at anytime.
- Enjoy each day, it’s not happening again…and never let anyone steal your sparkle or be mean to you in anyway! If they try to be, you can decide if you want to be “love and light” or a little “go fuck yourself”…but apply the latter very sparingly. Sometimes it is warranted, sometimes it is not.
- Say “I love you” often and with the passion it deserves. If you truly love someone, do not be a timid soul and make them say it first! Be honest, with yourself and them! Love is meant to be embraced, not shoved down or away…take into account that great love and great achievement often take the greatest risk!
- Being yourself, means sometimes having the courage to stand alone or go your own way. Yeah…its hard but integrity in yourself is never wrong!
- Never waste your time on anyone who is unsure of where you fit in their life! Keep it moving. They’ll either figure it out or they won’t…and why force something, if you aren’t truly welcomed. You should never have to negotiate your way into someone’s heart…as hard as it may be, let it go. That is now more about them than it is about you.
- One can’t shy away from unknown situations or let new opportunities create fear. At the end of the day, you have to decide whether to avoid situations or engage in the best way possible. To bring your best self to the table! Reset, refocus, readjust, restart as many times as you need – only NEVER give up…evolving is an ongoing processes!
- Open your arms to change and take courage in all situations, but always remember – sometimes when something doesn’t work out, it was a stroke of luck. So if life throws you a curve, lean into and live happily ever after!
I will share this over and over, both here and in real life. It won’t simply be something that lives in the one dimensional…flat as the screen you are reading it on, or hiding in the newsfeed of social media. I have no intention of looking back, as I bring this to real life, bright and vibrant, and lived out with the best of integrity!
Because I choose to evolve…and to give love a fighting chance!